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To Tell the Truth or Lie Trying

by Sarai

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1.
Packing up another place Neatly stack all my things In boxes I have used for years and years and years Stacking up another try I burned to bright and fizzled out I trade all of my failures in for tears and tears and tears After you paint the town red With your very blood The energy to put your efforts into living fades, it fades After you spill you soul out Into the mud To service people who don’t give a second glance You die a little death every day Starting out another life The hundredth time I struck out And surrendered to my fears and fears and fears Making up an alibi Say this is why I failed this time Cover up this choking smoke and mirrors and mirrors and mirrors
2.
Black Hole 03:05
What have I become In this grandeur I have wallowed Did I lose you somewhere In this fame I chewed and swallowed Would you scream at me Shake me – awaken my soul I’m tired and I’m stubborn – burning up inside I sit in the rain with my hair in my face I look at my palms, they’re empty still Thought I’d found something to take up this space But I’m left with a hole that expands as it fills Tomorrow seems so far But I’ve made my reservation I guess I’ll see you there again While you mend these rules I’m breaking Would you pick me up Throw me into holiness I’m crushed and I’m dirty – fighting you inside Last Chorus: I sit in the rain with my hair in my face I look at my palms, they’re empty still Thought I’d found something to take up this space But I’m left with a hole that will never fill I sit in the rain with my hair in my face I look at my palms – They’re empty still
3.
I wouldn’t know you If I saw you today That’s what they said would happen If I let myself stray And I did – I ran across the water To get out of their trap Now I’m lost, now I’m tired, now I’m bleeding But I might never go back I wouldn’t know you If I saw you today Though the lines on your face They don’t ever, ever change But I did – I burst out of the water To rest awhile on the shore Now I’m parched, now I’m scared, now I’m bleeding But I’d rather stay here than go back there for more Bridge: Your face decorates the milk carton I like to remember you like an old friend We kicked rocks in the street Picked flowers in spring And held hands Maybe it’s all a part of the plan But I must confess I’m losing faith I’m losing faith in faith itself Yeah I changed – I dried up all the water From when your family pushed me into this deep well Now I’m sad, now I’m empty, now I’m bleeding But I’d rather stay here than go back to their hell
4.
2 shoes 02:37
Watch this house of cards Slam down and take your savings with it Debt as our economy has thumbed its nose in our shocked faces Politicians never tell the truth Even when they’re caught on tape with their feet in their mouths They stole our treasury Naturally we’ll blame the unions, the greedy working stiff It worked so beautifully/Doling out our wealth to your rich friends Got away with everything/There’s nothing left to salvage what you rent You have lied and lied And now you’ll take the world down with you In a flaming mess – you’ve done a heck of a job torturing everyone You played your spying game And weighed out cash to pay your buddies Well it’s all ending now, pat yourself on the back boy, you know that you done good You can’t see anything/Wrong with lying your country into war You thought you were a king/But there’s nobody left to bow down anymore Can we build it back Everything we used to be Regain our dignity Dust ourselves off and move on with the world It works so beautifully/Co-opting every mouth that reads the news And we were floundering/Until somebody finally said it all with shoes
5.
I’m so tired of driving Looking for a place to land Stopped in every small town Nothing turned out how I planned, how I planned I’m so tired of gambling I’ve got nothing in my hand Placed a wager on a sure bet But I lost it all and ran off with the band Time to start all over Guess I’ll head back to the coast Thought I’d left forever But I think I’m going home, I’m going home Tried to find a reason To stay out there on my own By myself I just went crazy It’s no good to be alone every night Played on every small stage Just my voice and my guitar Now they’re packed up with my old things Guess I’ll never be a star, well that’s alright I’m gonna shake the dust of this crummy town off my feet and see the world I’m gonna shake the dust of this crummy town off my feet and see the world I saw the world and it wasn’t to my liking I just took the long way home
6.
Fresno 03:52
I know you won’t be home until later tonight But I wish I could call you to talk about this challenge I’m uncertain losing money, getting nowhere Well the job market’s jammed I thought you’d understand me cause you always do so well There’s a lot to tell you about the day and all I did I’m adventurous but I miss you, getting around Well, I wish that you were here And I’d tell you if I go I won’t leave defeated I’d say I came for now and that was good You could tell me what you thought about it Am I crazy or am I irresponsible I told my dad happy birthday for an hour last night We talked about me turning 23 you know he said You’d think you’d be grown up by now Well the years are flying by me I thought you’d get a good laugh out of that one We both know what it means you get a respectable job You pay the bills and you ignore your neighbors You retire without paying your debts and your children fight over your assets You’re buried in a borrow grave – well who wants that anyway?
7.
The flesh that holds my bones together Sometimes forms a boundary And I tarantella dance until I sweat it out But still I falter The flesh that houses blood and spirit Sometimes is a cage for me And I wait behind these metal bars I wait it out to call you Father What if I saw you, I am dirty You are perfect What if I saw you, what could I do And if I saw you I would fall down you would burn me And I could be purified If I saw you This heart that searches for the truth Sometimes fails to recognize And I scratch at every door until I get too tired To go on at all The heart that pulses blood through veins Is sometimes weak inside of me And it makes me run even faster yet I push myself toward the eternal
8.
Snow Day 04:05
We’ve got no place to go The whole world is covered in snow So baby hold me close and keep me warm I told you you’re my home There’s no place I want to go So baby let’s bring paradise to us We’ve come a long, long way Since that cold February day When I gave you my heart to have and hold We’ve walked a long, long time We may be sore, but we’re doing just fine Let’s rest here from the cold We’ve been working so damn much I forgot how it feels to touch you So let’s lay here and feel each other breathe I look into your eyes I can see the years roll by But baby we’ve got so much time
9.
Come home for Christmas – stay for the year Due to inclement weather we’re stuck staying here Those Midwest winters could murder a martyr Who would have thought they could follow us home Tomorrow we drive away Tomorrow we stop playing games with old lost acquaintances We’ll head back to the new ones No on really knows me, I can’t help but feel In the rush of reunion you can’t tell what’s real One place to another we take no for an answer We’re allowed to build fences in every state Tomorrow we’re heading east Tomorrow we’re making our pease with our dead expectations We’ll ride into the new ones Tomorrow we’re moving back Tomorrow we’ll know what we lack and lament our resistance We’ll continue to hold it Look for a lover to make you feel lonely Due to intimate banter your stuck holding only One hand to feed you another to bite You’re still in the closet with one foot out the door
10.
Clamped under the strain Of endless moving, obligations A future to decide Performance on the brain Of endless winning, hoops to jump through A failure to deride If there’s anything I’ve learned by now It’s what I can and cannot take I won’t give up so easily I bend until I break Won’t you cool, cool me down Won’t you settle me, I’m settling Hope clouded by sight Of piles of debt and retribution A lifetime to repay Harvest ruined by blight Of deadened promise, unfinished endings A high speed train delayed If there’s anything I’ve learned by now It’s what I do and do not need Still I won’t give up so easily I bend until I bleed
11.
Words hang like silkworms - spinning faithfully as they should It’s hard to curb the flow When the time for silence comes Night takes long in falling – getting dark outside as it does It’s hard to look at morning When the time for waking comes My lungs feel smaller tonight I have done all my running I have cried all my tears out My hands shake like water disturbed By something as small as a pebble I lap up against the shore Dreams shine like lanterns – lighting the party as they would It’s hard to drop the hat When the time for doing comes Hearts beat like bongos – laying down the groove as they do It’s hard to take a bow When the time for ending comes We are merely moving shadows Life is just a breath we are grass We are fading you are our only hope Last Chorus Only: I have come a long way tonight I have cast off my wet clothes I have dried all my fears off
12.
Jonah 04:05
I look at my life I see for my whole existence I’ve been trying to get by Living on a pittance Until now I finally have a semblance of security I look at the sky Try to see your face appearing But my eyesight is dim And I’m hard of hearing you I leave us space for the peace of ambiguity I often think of myself as Jonah Boarding a ship for the west when you said to head east I guess that’s why I won’t talk to ya I’m too afraid to hear what you’re saying to me I’ve spent lots of time clearing my head of mystics So I could fill my brain up with charts and logistics Yeah I drove myself crazy Sleeping off your mystery I feel the earth shaking will I be left standing That’s what I’d ask you if you weren’t so demanding You stretch me out To be more than I wanted to be I’d like to see myself being reborn But right now I’m just too damn stubborn I guess it’s up to you to keep scratching at my window at night I guess it’s up to you to keep scratching at my window at night
13.
You wrote all your thoughts in a small yellow notebook Whenever they came to your mind I thought you had everything so figured out in those days You spouted off figures and tidbits of poems To substitute anything new It took me a long time to see you had nothing to say I figured I would follow you, I would go anywhere But when you followed me I just heartlessly left you there While you waited and waited and waited for me to change You used to stop driving in beautiful places Wherever you wanted to stop I loved the adventure you made wherever you moved You brought me sunflowers and gerbera daisies Sometimes when you came just because They highlighted everything I never brought you I figured I would follow you, I would go anywhere But then you followed me and I, I simply left you there While I waited and waited and waited for you to understand me
14.
The builders are complaining Because the buyers aren’t buying Buyers are complaining that the price is too high I don’t know how far we’ll fall in the imminent fall out The bankers aren’t sharing their foreclosing tomorrow Consumers have borrowed the last cent we can borrow Trouble is boiling Let’s just hope that we can work this out Everyone hates oversight/Till fortunes turn overnight Rulers craft their alibis/While bankers sell out you and I Say goodbye to your piggy bank home/everything you have is out on loan The best return on your cash is from your mattress Say hello to the second revolution/none of the experts can offer a solution The best we can hope for is just to live through this The markets are all crashing Because the sellers aren’t selling The sellers are crying and the experts are all telling us That no one saw this coming, it’s really quite the shock The lenders are hoarding we act like no one knows If we can’t pay it back then it will all be foreclosed Empty houses, empty storefronts, empty churches Now on every block Companies too big to fail/The debtors can all live in jail Markets are the god we’re told/till everything we had was sold

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In January 2009 Sarai spent a week at Old Hickory Corner studio in McPherson Kansas, recording vocals and piano. After Sarai returned to Oregon, producer Eddy Purcell and engineer Ryan Monaghan recruited local musicians, including Sarai's former bandmates, to complete instrumental tracking.

The album's 14 songs were originally written by Sarai, spanning several years of songwritting, and covering topics ranging from romance, personal discovery, spiritual content, to social commentary.

credits

released May 7, 2010

Produced by Eddy Purcell and Sarai Johnson
Engineered by Eddy Purcell and Ryan Monaghan
Recorded at Old Hickory Corner
myspace.com/oldhickorycorner
Mixed and mastered by Ryan Monaghan
Art Direction/Design: Angela Purcell and Ryan Monaghan

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